Some of the funniest prank phone calls

"In 1995, Canadian DJ Pierre Brassard got through to Buckingham Palace pretending to be Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien. He chatted to the Queen for 15 minutes on air - eliciting a promise that she would try to influence Quebec's referendum on proposals to break away from Canada - and she never realised it was a hoax."

"A radio station in the American state of Florida has played a practical joke on President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela with a hoax phone call he believed was from his friend and ally, the Cuban leader Fidel Castro. Two presenters at Radio El Zol, in Miami, called Mr. Chavez on a private line and used taped extracts of Mr Castro's voice to make him think it was the communist leader himself on the phone."

Bart Simpson's Prank Calls

“Moe: Moe's Tavern. Bart: Is Mr. Freely there? Moe: Who? Bart: Freely. First Initials I.P. Moe: Hold on, I'll check. (calls out) Is I.P. Freely here? I.P. Freely?”

“Bart: Is Jacques there? Moe: Who? Bart: Jacques, Last name Strap. Moe: Hold on. (Calling out) Jacques Strap! Hey, guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!”

“Bart: Hello, is Al there? Moe: Al? Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name, Koholic. Moe; Phone call for Al. Al Koholic. Is there an Al Koholic here?”

“Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern - birthplace of the Rob Roy. Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name, Butts. Moe: Just a sec. (calling out) Hey, is there a Butts here? Seymour Butts? Hey, everybody, I Wanna Seymour Butts! Moe: (catching on) Hey, wait a minute. Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket. When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew.”

“Bart: Hello, Is Homer there? Moe: Homer who? Bart: Homer Sexual. Moe: Wait one second, let me check. (to the bar) Homer Sexual. Ah, come one, come on, one of you guys has gotta to be Homer Sexual. Moe: Oh no, you rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!”

“Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch. Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?”

“Bart: Is Oliver there? Moe: Who? Bart; Oliver Klozoff. Moe: Hold on I'll check. Moe: Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff.”

“Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh. Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass. (A man approaches Moe.) Hugh: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass. Bart: Uh, hi. Hugh: Who's this? Bart: Bart Simpson. Hugh: What can I do for you, Bart? Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired and I'd like to bail out right now. Hugh: All right. Better luck next time.”

Infamous Prank Callers

In the mid-1970s, two young men, John Elmo and Jim Davidson, began calling a bar named the Tube Bar which was located in Jersey City, New Jersey in Journal Square. The Tube Bar was owned by Louis "Red" Deutsch, and most of the time, Deutsch was the person who answered the calls. During each call, the callers would ask Deutsch to call out fictitious names, which, when said aloud, sounded like something else entirely (for example, "Al Coholic" = alcoholic, or "Cole Kutz" = cold cuts). Most of the time, Deutsch would call out the names, unaware that he was being subjected to a prank. Sometimes, however, Deutsch would catch on to the prank, and when he did, he responded with extreme hostility, shouting at the caller with profanity, obscene sexual references, usually involving the caller's mother, and threats of physical harm.

In an act of apparent desperation, Red also claimed that he would reward the caller with $100 if they would "come on down" to the bar and show his face, or meet Red at a place of their choosing. Red eventually raised the reward to $500, in hopes of enticing the young men, however it is widely believed that the callers never collected their reward because of fears of having their "prick cut off", or their "belly cut open".

Although Elmo and Davidson initially said that they had picked the Tube Bar at random out of a phone book, they later admitted that they had passed by the bar several times while still in high school, and had developed a fascination with Red ever since they saw him yelling at his patrons. They recorded the calls that they made on tape. Unbeknownst to Elmo and Davidson, the tapes they had made were beginning to circulate among their friends, and their friends' friends, becoming an underground sensation.

By the 1980s, the equipment managers of several Major League Baseball teams had shared copies of the tapes, which had become known unofficially as the Red Tapes or Tube Bar Tapes. The tapes' popularity spread throughout the league, branching out to other professional sports leagues, and then to sports reporters and into the media. By 1981, one of the Bastards' gags ("Mike Hunt") was incorporated into the movie Porky's. Animator Matt Groening had obtained a copy and incorporated the phone hijinx into a running gag on The Simpsons with barkeeper Moe Szyslak, who is based on Deutsch. Several New York City alternative rock record labels released various edits of the tapes on vinyl, before the Bum Bar Bastards came forward in the 1990s to copyright the tapes. The Bastards later released their own "official" version on CD which is now available for purchase on iTunes.

Prank names they used:

    * Al Brikyonik (I'll break your neck)
    * Al Coholic (Alcoholic)
    * Al Depanzyu (I'll de-pants you)
    * Al Kaseltzer (Alka-Seltzer)
    * Al Knockerup (I'll knock her up)
    * Al Kykyoras (Greek) (I'll kick your ass)
    * Al Killeu (I'll kill you)
    * Al Rankin
    * Ben Debanana (Bend the banana)
    * Ben Dover (Bend over)
    * Bill Loni (Bologna)
    * Billy McGuire
    * Bob Wire (Barb Wire)
    * Butchie Pantsdown (Put your pants down)
    * Clint Torres (Clitoris)
    * Cole Kutz (Cold cuts)
    * Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus)
    * Dick Yamidda
    * Frank Enstein (Frankenstein)
    * Hal Jalykakik (How'd ya like a kick?)
    * Hank Deshank
    * Hugh Douche (You douche!)
    * Hugh Duct (You ducked)
    * Hugh Jass (Huge ass)
    * Izzy Cumming (Is he coming?)
    * Jim Nasium (Gymnasium)
    * Joe Dildo
    * Joe Mama (Your mama)
    * Joe Hardern
    * Lou Kout (Look out!)
    * Mark Miewords (Mark my words)
    * Marty Cone
    * Mike Ocksmall (My cock's small)
    * Mike Ockhurts (My cock hurts)
    * Mike Hunt (My cunt)
    * Moe Ronn (Moron)
    * Mike Rotch (My crotch)
    * Mike Unstinks (My cunt stinks)
    * Pancho Mouth (Punch your mouth)
    * Pepe Roni (Pepperoni)
    * Phil Miaz (Feel my ass)
    * Phil Degrave (Fill the grave)
    * Phil Lacio (Fellatio)
    * Phil Mypockets (Fill my pockets)
    * Sal Lami (Salami)
    * Sid Down (Sit down)
    * Stan Dup (Stand up)
    * Stan DePain (Stand the pain)
    * Stu Pitt (Stupid)
    * Tim Mara (Tomorrow)
    * Willie Doit (Will he do it?)
    * Willy Etter (Will he eat her?)
    * Willie Facker (Will he fuck her?)
    * Willie Fagger
    * Willie Frango

Source

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Pranks to play on telemarketers, Part 3

Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment

DON'T PISS 'EM OFF - Whatever you do, don't try to be a smartass. The "Why don't you get a real job?" or "Do I call you at home and bug you?" lines don't phase these people one bit. You are not Seinfeld. You are just asking to have your phone number photo copied and distributed around the office.

Drum on every available surface while they're trying to tell you something.

Every time they say something to you ask, 'Is that a threat?'

Finish each sentence with "Monkey see, Monkey do"

Have a fit of giggles while answering the phone. The telemarketer will ask to speak to a parent. So now, you laugh manically and hang up.

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

If the telemarketer who you've already sung 99 bottles of beer persists, progress to singing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!

Inform them of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories. If they object, back it up with far-flung proof like Wingdings symbols.

Insist stupid things like 1+1 = 3 are true. If they try to correct you, relegate a sob story and try insisting again. If they still correct you, scream that they hate you.

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

Insist the telemarketer is only your imaginary friend.

Insist they are some fancy restaurant and attempt to make a reservation.

Insist you are family e.g. Them: Hello, I'm John Doe of XYZ company and- You: - *squealing like a girl* Ohmygosh! I'm Jane Doe and I work at ZYX company. We're second cousins once removed! Nice to hear from you again."

Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.

Learn Morse code, and attempt to converse with them with your responses consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." and the like. If they question you, then repeat what you just said, in that LOUD SLOW tone reserved for foreigners, little children and fools.

Make snoring sounds whenever they try to talk to you.

MIND YOUR BUSINESS - When trying to get a telemarketer off the line, the phrase "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number" just doesn't cut it. A telemarketer has a number in front of them and if you tell them it's the wrong number, they'll either try you again later or they'll just keep talking. If you're going to fake a wrong number, tell them they've called a business. Then make up some ridiculous name like The Helen Keller Moving Service. Telemarketers don't mess with businesses.

Mumble an annoying phrase over and over, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

Pretend you are R2-D2.

Pretend you're drunk.

Repeat everything they say as a question.

Reply to everything with a quote from Shakespeare.

Say "I know" whenever they say something.

Scream, "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.

See how many times you can put them on hold. First make sure you get the name of the person you are talking to, because sooner or later they will hang up. Then if they call you again, you can express your righteous indignation at being hung up on, and let them know you were going to buy/contribute, but given the rudeness of ... you have decided not to. They key to this one is make the time they have to hold fairly short. After 30 seconds or so tell them you have to turn down the stove and put them on hold for 45 secs. On returning, ask them to start their pitch again. Every time you return have them restart their pitch. Some good excuses for putting them on hold for a short while: the kids are fighting, the pet needs to go in/out, the baby is into ?, someone is at the door, you have a call on another line, ...

SEX, DRUGS, OR ROCK & ROLL - Once again, telemarketers are like anyone else. When they find out you're not in a good position to talk, they'll usually excuse themselves. Any line like "Here comes the money shot" or "The ceiling is melting" or "I can't hear you over the PA system." always works well.

Sing "The batman theme" over and over.

Start singing '99 bottles' - continue until they hang up.

talklikethis

Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

Accuse them of "a glue sniffing addiction" with speaker phone on.

Ask them what's going on. Strike up a conversation. Not many people go for the straightforward approach but, remember, telemarketers are like anybody else. They just want to make free long distance phone calls from work, steal office supplies, and go home. The only problem is that sometimes they receive a commission. These telemarketers won't go for the bullshit method. In this case, I suggest you up the ante and tell them about your domineering mother, how she nearly ruined your life, and how she deserved every whack in the face from that shovel…

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Ask them for dates.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

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Pranks to play on telemarketers, Part 2

Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

After they have given their entire sales pitch, say you are interested but first you need the telemarketer's personal home phone number. When they ask why tell them that they have your personal home number so before you complete the deal, you want to be on even ground with them and you need their number. If they don't give it to you, yup, you guessed it, hangup in righteous indignation. If they do, say you will call back to order/contribute. Then do so at some reasonable hour, in case they have given you a phony number. But if it is a correct number, post it on the net. Not so anyone would harrass this person, ;) but so all of us would have the opportunity to contact this person about whatever it is that is being telemarketed. And since so many of us are night owls, we will be calling at a time convenient to us, like 4 am. ;)

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

Asking Telemarketers Questions: I seem to be plagued by telemarketers claiming to be collecting for police charities; sometimes these "police" organizations (*even* if they offer you a "sticker" for your car) give very little of the money they collect to the police, and in some cases even use your money to support legislation you may disagree with. Ask (1) if they are *really* the police, or whoever they claim to be, (2) how much money goes to the police, or whoever, and (3) what happens to the other money. A lot of telemarketers are not prepared to deal with an "active" person on the telephone, and won't know the answers to these questions. If they can't answer these questions to your satisfaction, you don't have to feel guilty about not donating to their "charity".

BAD CONNECTIONS - This is the best excuse of all. As telemarketer starts to identify themself, once again say "hello?" Continue asking if anyone is there and eventually hang up. You can even play games with them where you ask them to yell.

Disagree strongly with anything they say.

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

Call them "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."

Constantly accuse them of being a communist.

Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"

Decline Politely. Let the telemarketer or Policeman's Ball representative say whatever he is going to say. Then, when the first pause arrives, you say, "Sorry, not interested." Any civil and decent telemarketer will interpret that statement as an exit cue, obliging him to now say something like, "Good enough, sir. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day," or words to that effect, and get off the phone.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

If you have an answering machine, turn it on so they can here you are recording the call. Make sure you get the person's name, and the company's name and address. Then inform them something like this. ``Under state law I am hereby notifying you that you (you as an individual and the company) are prohibited from calling this number (xxx-xxxx) to solicit ever again. If you or the company calls again, you personally and the company will be liable for penalties up to $10,000. Is this clear?'' Just something to hopefully make them nervous. (Actually Virginia came pretty close to passing a law like this. Unfortunately, the telemarketing lobby bribed our legislature into killing the bill. Maybe next year...)

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.


A prank someone actually tried

Hmm, maybe then it's just me who gets heaps of calls from telemarketers, I used to get them at least 3 times a week.

I got sick of it so I tried heaps of things. I played them some tunes on my guitar, then I asked them what they thought of it and how I could improve.

I played the song 'Dominated Love Slave' off the computer to them and I told them that I dedicated this song to them.

I asked one to marry me, he said yes. (but you never know, these people may only want to marry you just to go to your country and gain citizenship)

I talked to one of them for 35 minutes about their job because I wanted to know more information about how many products they sell in a day and how many people they call in a day all together. I asked htem how many people reject their calls and how many people rudely knock them off.

I three-way called one of my friends while talking to a telemarketer. We ended up all talking together, it was funny lol.


Another prank someone actually tried

I tried to keep them on the phone for as long as I could in order to waste their time and let them waste more money. I did this by looking through my room and talking about things like music, cd's, bands. I talked about all the music that I liked, and I talked about how I liked punk music. I then asked him a bunch of questions about his music preference and if he played any instruments.

I told him that I was part of a cult, a cult that branched off Satanism, and that we made monthly sacrifices, I also reassured him that it wasn't a bad thing, and that next week I would be giving half of my soul to the priest and that I was really excited because it has been something that I had been working towards for a long time and that I will finally be fully apart of the community.

Then the telemarketer kinda just nodded off, then he asked me if I had any boyfriends, I told him no, I don't, then he asked me if I was lying, and I wasn't, but then I decided to tell him that I was a lesbian and that I had a girlfriend, and that I really liked her. He wasnt expecting that!

Then he asked me if I had any friends that he could get the numbers down to call them. That was kinda creepy, so this is what I did.

Ok, so I doubt anyone of you would know anything about The Chasers War on Everything. I won't explain, but they found out our old Prime Ministers phone number and posted it in one of their magazines right at the front of it for everyone. So once the telemarketer if I had any numbers, I just gave them that number! I told the telemarketer that his name was John, but I wasn't too sure if that was his number anymore. The telemarketer also asked if he was over he age of 18, I said that I was pretty damn sure that he was.

Then he said that he had to go, and he asked me if he could call me back in a few days, I told him no, I said that I didn't want to be talking to him.

Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

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Pranks to play on telemarketers, Part 1

I found these on various forums and can't remember where I got them all from. There are a lot of 'em, so I'm gonna split these ideas across multiple pages.
Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

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Try to convert them to a religion that you just made up and see how long they listen to you. Maybe try to get them to join a cult too... You could try to turn them into a Jedi.

When they call, act like you're interested for 5 minutes and then scream at the top of your lungs
then play a tape recording of really loud automatic gunfire and drop the phone on the floor.

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

After they have gone through their entire sales pitch, tell them how interested you are. But first, you want to talk to them about ... Then launch into a pitch for them to contribute to some charity that sounds quasi-legit but is really just for your personal benefit. If they do not contribute, then hang up in righteous indignation that they are such uncaring human beings. If they will, give then a address to send the contribution to, thank them, and hang up before they have a chance to change the subject back to what they called you about.

Any time they try to talk to you, clear your throat as if *you* want to say something to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you." Screech it down the phone if necessary.

Any time they mention anything even remotely related to staplers, scream hysterically and ask them to protect you from THE EVIL STAPLERS OF DOOM!

Ask them really off-the-wall questions. If they answer, audibly scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Ask them to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"

Attempt to order a pizza. If they play along, then use various tactics like asking them in an annoyed voice to put the crust on top this time or tell them to hold the band-aid.

Bark like a dog whenever they use the word "the."

 Telemarketers stick to a script and when you take control of the situation, they're not always ready to handle it. One way to do this is by acting depressed and when they're getting into the spiel, ask them "Have you ever been in love? No, you wouldn't know what love is." Or bring up philosophy and why it's all bullshit.

 In my telemarketer past, I called many a household only to hear the phrase "I'm sorry, they passed away". Again, this doesn't do it. I just kept trying to sell as would any other telemarketer. Instead, start crying. Apologize and utter words about "the accident". If the telemarketer persists with the spiel, scream "HE'S DEAD YOU IDIOT!!!"

Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in their brain, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

Demand that they address you as "Conquistador." If they slip up, simply ignore them until they ask if you're there, at which point you say, "I am here but I will not reply to anything other than Conquistador". After that, just make little hummy sounds whenever they slip up so they know you're there, despite not replying.

This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

THROW UP - For this one, you have to be near a sink. Prepare a pot with water as they talking. Start coughing intermittently and eventually, start hacking and pour the water out in intervals. Assure them you're interested, and keep going.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.

WASTE THEIR TIME - If a telemarketer is on commission they have no time to waste. When they ask to speak to a specific person, say "hold on a sec… hey… hey… dude… where's… …Nick? …What? …NICK!!! …NIIIIIIICK!!!!! …Where? …Really?" then go into a conversation with the other person. Eventually they'll hang up.

When they tell you how they are, confirm it then tell them you're holding their kid hostage.

Whenever they finish a sentence say, "And then what happened?"

Whenever they say something, pretend they've just told you the funniest joke in history.

Whenever they say something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation.

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in the conversation, and see if they play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Explain the 'little green men' to them in detail. When they don't believe you, claim they are a little green man in disguise.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy"

Play Dumb. Answer the phone as you would regularly. The telemarketer will launch into some kind of spiel, concluding with a question about something that is none of his business. Then you say, "I'm sorry, for whom are you calling?" Then the telemarketer will say, "Um, the man of the house/the lady of the house." Then you say, "There's nobody here by that name," and hang up. Or scream "Rape! Rape!" and then hang up.

If you recognize they are telemarketers before you have spoken, pretend you are an answering machine with a message along these lines. ``Thank you for calling CMTCC, Citizens for Making Telemarketing a Capital Crime. We now have the support of about 25% of the legislature. Soon we will be able to execute those worthless, money grubbing dregs, making the earth a better place to live. Please send your tax deductible contribution to...''

Confusing Telemarketers: Next time a telemarketer calls, interrupt their script with your own! Tell them that as a caller to your household they have been selected to receive a vacation package, and try to get them to sign up for it. Or try to get them to join the fast-growing Amway family. Or insist that the telmarketer is a friend of yours that is just pretending to be a telmarketer. Or start telling them the story of your life. Or tell them that you are a receptionist at a dentist's office... Recently I've been having more trouble getting rid of telemarketers just by interrupting them, so I've been telling them that I am am "not allowed" to accept telemarketing calls. If they pressure me to stay on the phone I try to sound really nervous and tell them that I'm going to be in a lot of trouble and that I've "already said too much"... One day I want to get my husband in on this so when they call he can start screaming at me for talking on the phone and we can act out a knock-down, drag-out fight for the telmarketer's benefit. At the very least it would make the poor telemarketer's life more interesting (as irritating as telmarketers are, I try to remember that most of the actual callers are just people that are trying to make a little bit of money in a crappy, no-fun job).

Pranks to play on telemarketers: Page 1, Page 2, Page 3.

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